Hello all Beautiful Brides-to-be and Fabulous Newly weds
Today blog is something a little different ..
Since we first started Award winning Bespoke Vintage castle in October 2013 I have dealt with literally Hundreds of Brides; and the question has always come to my mind:
I wonder how they each of them are doing are now?
After the cake is devoured and the blissful "Honeymoon period" is over and we are back to the rather mundane routine of regular life, how does the modern day bride approach her duties as a "Mrs"?
Is it a tricky transition or does she take to it like a graceful swan to water?
Every Marriage is different and the way we each run our household are individually unique to our needs and the busy-ness of our lives; but here are a few pointers that I have picked up in my humble 8 years of Marriage and I may add its not always "Bliss".
Also my husband and I run in a busy community of couples in our personal social circle.
Some of them have been married for 50+ years so I always seek advice and persistently ask questions..
who is in charge of the finances?
How do you raise children when there is so much negative influence and many negative examples?
What was the common goal you maintained in life to keep the Marriage together?
I have condensed my findings and personal experiences into a small list and I really hope it can help some one today. If so let me know as I would love to write posts that are fun and trendy but also that are informative and helpful.
6. He is not Mr. perfect!
Have you ever heard people say:
"I don't want to get married because it changes everything"?
The statement is partially true yes but do try to look at it this way:
You did not marry a perfect person & Neither did they
Honestly Marriage has taught me to look at my flaws from time to time I was married at 21 so young and so many mistakes I am only human
The same in reverse you chose your beautiful imperfect spouse!
remembering this is super important as it stops you judging your spouse too harshly and instead of being furious where they "lack lustre or at their worst" spare a thought for the times you in turn have not been blameless.
This is key and will probably be one the biggest factors in all your disagreements
When you are both furious there is nothing wrong with taking time to cool down and come back a few hours later totally level headed to discuss calmly what could not be addressed earlier. Be mindful of your words to each other as you will only have to say sorry for them later and they can hurt leaving lasting wounds forever.
If you've quarrelled just leave each other alone until morning but no one needs to be kicked out, you may find you end up snuggling together after an hour anyway but honesty; sleeping on the sofa cliche was set from Hollywood movies anyway do try avoid all aspects of Hollywood examples when it comes to marriage.
4. Money Talks
Really simple; money causes friction. Whether its not having enough of it or deciding how to spend it.
There are so many good books on money management I have listed my top four.
(Available on Amazon)
Also at the beginning of the month do have a financial meeting with your spouse. Sit down together plan where you went wrong and what you did right and what your needs are and which need can be met where you can save money etc. Again it all boils down to good communication handling YOUR money correctly encourages a sense of trust and closeness.
3. Fall in love again
Take the time out to remember why you fell in love to begin with. Make sure you read your spouse study them, what makes them sad or what do they adore?
Do they like it when you cook a certain meal for supper or wear that little special something? take mental notes of what they love just the same way you did when you first were getting to know them never let that stop. send naughty texts, hold hands on the beach, Date each other often without the kids any excuse to dress up and go out to dinner, flirt with your husband, Make each other feel like royalty.
Here is a link for the ultimate date night jar on our marriage advice pinterest page
Let him see you at your best; Smell fabulous, get a manicure if you can or keep your nails painted and pretty keep your hair neat.
Men are visual beings, There is no need to be perfect but make an effort.
Victoria Beckham says in the letter she wrote to "her younger self" that recently featured in vogue: "maintain a sense of mystery" I love that!
2. The F word.. FORGIVENESS
Why is this so painful? We hate doing it don't we?
We love to say things like: "I'm putting my barriers up"
Marriage is one place where you just can't afford to have barriers up. if you are not sincere and truthful about your relationship with one another the relationship wont last. you cant fake it till you make it.
I mean would you really like to spend the rest of your days with a cold person who wont open up to you because of something that happened ten years ago?
I think forgiving your spouse is something you have to do if you don't it will literally drain your joy.
Yes he will upset you over and over again and you will upset him too. do not be disappointed and hold grudges literally as Taylor swift says: Shake it off
life is too short to be consistently angry at your spouse. there are marriages out here where women are so angry with their husbands for stuff that happened years ago. Learn to let things go its proven that holding grudges and resentment causes sickness and poor physical health so if not for him for your own well being learn to let forgive.
1. #marriagegoals what are yours?
do we set any goals for ourselves?
Have you both said to one another :
we would like to go from point a to B by this time next year?
I do not mean just planning to buy a car or a house; although those things are important but I mean plan your personal acomplishments and aspirations.
For example: Do you say to yourself
"I am going to change that particular behaviour:... (fill in the blanks)
that causes a certain response from my beloved because I adore this person and I want us to make it."
This is setting a PERSONAL goal and its harder to do than it reads. Try not to look for where they are going wrong, on the contrary look at how you you can improve for them and yourself.
Every so often sit doesn't together and discuss ways to make the other happier this is extra important the longer you are together do not suffer in silence.
Its always sad to know a couple is considering divorce, however you often hear the phrase " we just grew apart.." It is sad but can be prevented if you plan your marriage well.
As a couple you have to Set time aside literally to change behaviours and attitudes compromise your perfection to meet each other halfway.
THE SAME WAY YOU DESIGNED AND PLANNED YOUR WEDDING SHOULD BE THE SAME ENERGY AND DESIGN YOU PUT INTO YOUR MARRIAGE.
So there you have it our top 6 tips. let us know what your top tips are ?
Pop a kind like and add your comments and thoughts would love to get a discussion going!